Can't Take This Back
by populette
Summary: He follows her into their bedroom, silently vowing to remember this night. Odds are he probably will. It's the night he's going to lose everything he has. Because come morning, she'll be gone and he'll be left with nothing. Mimato-One shot.


Her foot was tapping impatiently against the gravel. Her breaths coming out in short, visible puffs and her entire body was shaking because of the current temperature, which was steadily dropping. He's late yet again and she's standing outside of a cold theater late at night, yet again. She's cold, angry and frankly, tired because this is starting to get old and sooner or later something's gotta give.

Finally she sees the headlights of his car, he barely turned it off before sprinting towards her, "Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry" He begins to apologize profusely the second she's with in hearing distance.

She stares at him with hard eyes, "Can we go home?" She says stiffly, and he's not sure what else to say.

He opens his mouth to protest but she's already walking towards the car. He knows she has every right to be upset with him, his lateness was becoming numerous, the cancelling was becoming frequent and his inadvertent apathy was wearing away at her resolve. He slumped back to his car, running a hand through his hair as he gets in. "I'm really sorry baby, I didn't realize how—

Her hand rises to silence him, "Please, just take me home" Her response is colder this time and he feels a stab of pain in his heart. She just looks so broken, so worn, so pained. Part of him just wants to save her from it all, take it all away and make her as happy as she deserves to be. But he just doesn't know how to do that, with out letting her go. That's the other part of him that wants to keep him as close to her as possible.

"Mimi" He calls her name tentatively, not wanting to anger her any more.

When she finally looks over at him, the pain in her beautiful hazel eyes is excruciating, "I'm sorry" He says lowly, "I haven't been who you've needed me to be lately and it's not alright" He tells her unhappily.

She lowers her gaze to her hands, "I've stopped expecting things from you Matt" She replies and it's so formal he pulls the car over to the side. "What are you doing?" She asks him, trying to keeping her voice indifferent.

Fuck. It. "Band practice ran late and the clock in the studio was broken so I thought it was eight-thirty when I left, but when I got in the car the clock flashed ten and I raced here because of how late I am and I'm really sorry" He's rambling, he's pleading, he's practically begging.

But her stiff nod is all he gets in response, her determination is astounding tonight, "I've heard this speech before, in fact I know it by heart" She answers him, suddenly very interested in her nail beds.

The car is completely turned off and the keys are lying in Matt's lap. The crickets around them seem louder tonight, maybe because of all the unsaid problems lingering in the air. But if there was one thing Matt was sure of, he wasn't going down with out a fight. He wasn't ready to let her go and while she might think this is the end of the road for them, he's determined to prove her wrong.

Finally, she stares into his cobalt blue eyes, "What are we doing here Matt?" She asks him and he knows she isn't referring to their current venue, "Where is this going?"

He reaches over to touch her cheek, but she backs away from his touch, "Just answer me" She's not bullshitting tonight. She knows the second he touches her she's going to melt into his embrace and it's been this way for far too long.

His frozen hand drops down, "I didn't think that you'd wait" He says honestly, "I mean I came hoping you would, but I didn't expect you to"

She shakes her head solemnly, "I had asked Sora to drop me off, because I was so sure you'd be there this time" She answers him and it's a knife in his heart. She'd believed in him tonight, had faith in him when she had every reason not to. Now she had yet another excuse to go.

His gaze drops to the ground, "It's been this way for a while?" He asks quietly. He knows the answer but a tiny part of him hopes that she'll say "No".

But that's not what he receives, "Yes, months" And it's the truth, but labeling it as honestly doesn't make it hurt any less.

He looks so damaged in that instance that she almost throws her arms around him. He'd meant, he means so much to her and it kills her to see them in this state, "I never see you anymore, we go days with out talking and when we are together it's like you aren't fully there" She needs to tell him everything that she's been feeling for so long, she needs to let him know that this is hurting her as much as, if not more then, it'd been hurting him. "I don't know when this starting going south but its pretty much rock bottom now" She couldn't hold herself back anymore.

Matt stared up at her with pleading eyes, "What if I promise that I'll be better? Because I can feel the disconnect too baby but I wanna make it better" He's not willing to let her leave.

But she looks as though her mind's made up, "It hurts so bad and I miss you _so_ much" Her voice is strained, her hazel eyes brimmed with tears.

He doesn't wait this time; he doesn't let her pull away. He gathers her up in his arms and pulls her into his embrace. She resists at first but when he doesn't let her go she breaks down in his arms, "I love you and it's _killing_ me" She's sobbing and he's not sure how much he can take.

He nuzzles her hair comfortingly, placing a few kisses on the top of her head, "I love you more then I can ever begin to tell you but I don't want you to feel like this" He sees it now. A moment of clarity maybe a few moments too late. She's completely and totally in love with him but its that love that is killing her, as she stated minutes before. He was killing her.

She pulls her head out of his chest, "I think this is it for us Matt" She whispers unconfidently because she's uttered words that she was sure she'd never say. She's never felt so strongly about another person and leaving him would mean excruciating, unimaginable, unbearable pain.

Hearing her say it out loud is whole different kind of realization, though. Because while he'd been sensing her unhappiness and while their fights were becoming reoccurring, each one worse then the one before, he still never imagined those words to come out of her mouth. "I understand if you feel that way" He says solemnly, he doesn't bother to keep the remorse out of his voice. "But don't you think that maybe we could give this one more try, Mimi, please?" It's pathetic at this point, he's begging, outright begging. All arrogance is thrown out of the window now.

She pulls away from him completely, wrapping her arms around herself as a meager substitute for his embrace. Her body feels colder now then it did when she was standing outside and its how she felt inside as well. She knew that this was the aftereffects of him; he'd hold her till they fell asleep but in the morning, when he wasn't next to her, she felt cold and alone. The happiness, the warmth, the safety, it would be replaced by discontent, bitterness and a whole lot of insecurities. Is he really at "Band Practice"? Did that girl last night who asked him for four autographs catch his eye? Why is he with me when he can have them?

"How many more chances Matt? How many more times am I going to be standing outside of a cold movie theater waiting for you? How many more meals am I going to eat alone huh? How many more dates are you going to cancel? How many more events are you going to miss?" She demands, her voice is shaking and her throat is so tight it hurts to swallow.

He wasn't sure how to answer her when she looked so determined to give up, "I'm trying okay?!" He's aggravated to his limits. Practice hadn't gone smoothly, there had been disputes over cord changes and play lists. Then he'd raced over to "The Premiere" to meet Mimi and now they were having the conversation that had become inevitable.

She flinches at his tone, "But I feel like it's not enough" She doesn't bother to wipe away her tears because she's been rubbing her face raw tonight. "We've been dysfunctional for a while and its to the point where I don't _want_ to do this anymore" There. Outright and completely clear.

He runs a tired hand down his face, "What can I say to make you change your mind? What can I do?" He's contemplating writing her yet another song.

But she's done, "I don't know baby, do whatever you want" She says sadly, "But I think I'm going to be moving in with Sora" She tells him and he feels like the world just crashed around him. This serious? It had become, this serious?

Matt shook his head, "I need you" He's not going to skirt around it anymore; if she's leaving then she'd better leave with that knowledge.

Her eyes soften for a second, "I love you" She says finally, "But if you really loved me, then you wouldn't make this so hard" Had it really come down to that? The only way to prove his love was to let her go? That was only supposed to happen in those cheesy, angsty romantic movies he'd sat through for her, wasn't it?

He reaches out to her again and silently thanks God when she lets him touch her face, "I wish there was something I could do" He knows that there isn't but he feels as though he should say it anyway. "The apartment's going to be agonizing with out you" It feels unreal.

She feels her heart breaking into a few more pieces, "Don't be there between noon and five, I'll have my stuff out by then" She carefully removes his cupped hand from her face. "I think this is what we need" She says decisively.

-x-

They'd driven home with out another word to one another, it would have been awkward and uncomfortable had they not been so consumed with their thoughts. His regrets, her pain, his determination, her stubbornness, the way she felt, the things he did. Their memories.

So when she stepped into the apartment they'd shared for almost two years, she felt like she'd have to imprint it into her memory. Because after tomorrow it would never look like this again. It would never be home again. He shuffled in behind her, locking the door as he'd done more times then she could count. But it felt different this time, it felt like the last time.

She turned to him with broken eyes and an aching heart. Everything around her seemed to be falling apart yet he looked exactly the same. That same blonde hair, those deep blue eyes, the stubble around his jaw, he was wearing the sweater she'd bought for him and a pair of worn out jeans that she'd most definitely picked out. His shoes were still on his feet and he seemed visibly torn.

Same old Matt.

"I wish things could be different" It's a plea from the heart.

He understands, "Me too" He replies as she takes a few steps closer to him, closing the gap between them.

Tears are threatening to spill over again, "You just don't need this right now" She hiccups, and she knows he probably doesn't know what she means.

He stares at her confusedly, "I do need you" He's rehashing the subject, clearly he's never going to give up.

She shakes her head sadly, "I just think that you should focus on your music and I'll focus on my clothes and maybe we'll learn to be happy again"

It's his turn to shake his head, "I won't be happy with out you" He shrugs a shoulder. "I just won't" He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear as he's done numerous times when she's been upset.

She's about to back away from him when he grips her waist, "But I'll do anything to make you happy" His lips brush her ear.

The words would sound so good to any other girl and every other girl out there is crooning about how sweet he sounds right now. But to Mimi, his words are hollow and just remind her of how many different variations she's heard. How many promises he's broken. How much he's put her through.

Regardless, she reaches up and places her lips against his. As a semblance of what they used to have. She's not surprised when his kiss feels exactly the same, the way it always has. Intoxicating, irresistible and completely right. And she finds it extremely hard to pull away, so she doesn't. Their last night together should be a memorable one.

So when she doesn't remove her lips from his, he pulls away, "What are we doing?!" He groans, running a rough hand through his hair.

Mimi just slips her small hand into his larger one, "For old times sake?" she asks almost miserably, nodding her head towards the bedroom.

He looks at her sadly amused, "You know we shouldn't"

"Maybe not" She says in compliance, "But I need you tonight" She's sober and completely aware of what she's saying. "I want you tonight" It's the truth she's not going to run from. One last time, to remind her of what she'll be leaving behind. It felt strangely like suicide, setting herself up for intolerable pain in the months, maybe even years to come.

His eyes roam her face carefully as if he's trying to etch her into his memory. "I don't want to hurt you" He admits softly.

She tugs at his hand, "It's too late for that" She says, not bothering to bar her honesty, "Just make me feel tonight, that's all I want, it's all I need" She knows how strange it must sound to his ears but she isn't sure how else to word her feelings.

He nods because he does understand what she means, "Just don't ever forget that I love you, okay?" He kisses her one more time.

Then he follows her into their bedroom, vowing to remember this night for the rest of his life.

Odds are, he probably will.

It's the night he's going to lose everything he has, because come morning he's going to be left with nothing. She'll be gone.

-x-

**A/N**: Okay so how was it? It's honestly the **saddest thing I've ever written** in my entire career as an FF writer so I'm not sure if I portrayed the emotions well enough. I honestly have no clue where the inspiration for this story came from, and right before Christmas too! Gosh, what kind of a Scrooge am I? Lol, but okay I do have a dilemma.

**So**- I'm not sure if I want to make this a one-shot or perhaps continue it. Like I have absolutely no clue, so I was wondering if you lovely readers would like to help me out, what do you say? Well first off make sure you **review** (please, please, please!) and after (or before) you write what you thought of the story, just tell me on if you think this should be a **chapter story or leave it as a one-shot**. It's much appreciated!

**Personal thanks-** To my best friends **Jenn**(L0v3Brucas) and **Christina**(MimixIshidax) for giving me the kick in the butt I needed to write another Mimato. I love you guys. Oh and especially Christina for Beta'ing for me! You helped me loads!

**Along with all my faithful readers who don't tire of me! I love you mostest!**

Read and **review** please!

Happy Holidays folks!

**P.s**- Read my new Brucas! (If you're a One Tree Hill fan!)


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